the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
