yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
