Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's shark week go big or go home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
