Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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