he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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