Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
