i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The Olympian is in my bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
