OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
