Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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