she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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