Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
