They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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