Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
