your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
