My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
