my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
