I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
