If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
