Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
