I hate your face
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
