I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
