So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
