dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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