If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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