If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
