So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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