I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
