he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
