Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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