I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I pour the whiskey from now on
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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