you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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