I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
