There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
