If that was your dad, he is hot
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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