ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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