If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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