The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
