dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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