shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry about my life...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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