If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
