On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
