I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
