well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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