Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
