Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The air was thick with penises
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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