Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
