Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
