But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
