We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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