It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
