just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
