Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dignity is for republicans.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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